“We all have different backgrounds and stories but nothing we did, made infertility show up in our life. Unfortunately, it just did and was out of our control. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, ungrateful and scared because a lot of infertility moments simply just suck.”

My infertility journey began in 2007 after my first ovarian cyst ruptured, though the term “infertility” wasn’t attached to it until 2015, after 2 years of marriage. We had reached the end of the road with my Obstetrician and was told to get the opinion of a fertility specialist. After inter-uterine ultrasounds, ovulation tracking, oral medication cycles with Metformin and Clomid, we were categorized as unexplained infertility.

In 2018 after blood tests, sperm samples and HSG tests, I found out that my AMH levels were low and there was a lot of tissue in my fallopian tubes and uterus. It was suspected that the cause was Endometriosis, though it was never officially confirmed.

Since we had reached the end of our journey with our obstetrican, we started testing at a fertility center, but were still asking around for recommendations. Dr. Moore was recommend to us and as it turns out, he used to live down the street from where I grew up. My parents thought highly of him, so we searched him out. At that time he was in the transition of opening his new clinic which luckily lined up for us to begin treatment at Conceptions Fertility Center.

When we began seeing Dr. Moore I remember him looking over my test results and saying, “Okay, well let’s hurry and get your babies here!” That was the first time someone had made it real. It made me feel like maybe there were babies for me and we just needed to find a way for them to get to us and he wanted to help do that anyway he could.” After they followed the treatment plan including Femara oral medication, Menopur injections, trigger shots with Ovidrel and a sperm wash, they transferred on April 9, 2019 and welcomed their baby girl on December 28, 2019!

When it comes to infertility, there are multiple hard parts. I don’t know if there’s ONE hardest part because it’s all hard! At first I felt like it was karma. Becoming a mom was terrifying to me and I didn’t really want to become one. Part of me thought that we were experiencing infertility because I had wished it away years prior. Then, I felt broken and sad because my husband was the one that ached for a baby and I was the reason he couldn’t have one. I also felt angry because, as a woman, you feel like you were made to grow a baby and my body couldn’t figure it out. Sometimes I was angry about who could get pregnant and who couldn’t. It’s hard to not get your hopes too high but also hang on to hope.
When we got the positive pregnancy test, it was hard to feel scared and excited. It was hard to not seem ungrateful when also feeling sick from the shots and hormones. It’s hard to not be tired of the process. I think you wrestle with all sorts of hard parts and that’s very normal. Once someone, who struggled with infertility, said, “Infertility doesn’t discriminate unfortunately, and you don’t have to be grateful for all the moments, some of them simply just suck.” I know that doesn’t sound like words of encouragement but they were for me. That sentence meant I wasn’t in it alone. It also freed me from the responsibility I had put on myself that it was my fault, that something I did or didn’t do or thought made it so we were experiencing infertility. All sorts of people were surviving in this battle. We all have different backgrounds and stories but nothing we did, made infertility show up in our life. Unfortunately, it just did and was out of our control. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, ungrateful and scared because a lot of infertility moments simply just suck.

—Sydney